What is Gaslighting? (and 5 Tips to Deal With It)
Have you been told by your significant other that you remember things incorrectly?
Have you wondered if you’re going crazy because your recollection of how something happened is often different from what your partner says happened?
Or perhaps you’ve tried to bring up something your partner did that hurt you and instead of discussing it, they turn it around with something like, “How can we talk about that when just last week you did what you did,” or “Oh, so now we’re going to talk about how garbage I am? After all I’ve done for you!”
This leaves you wondering if you should have even brought it up AND you feel badly for doing so because of their scoffing answer.
If you’ve had experience like these, you may have been experiencing something called gaslighting. Gaslighting is where…
5 Reasons Why Traditional Counseling and Advice Doesn't Work in a Toxic Relationship
As I work with people in toxic relationships, it’s clear that most traditional relationship advice and counseling doesn’t work in those situations and is actually counterproductive, doing more harm than good. This is not a dig at my very skilled and caring counselor friends doing their best. Rather, it’s a reflection of the hidden, ugly dynamics at play in a toxic situation when you’re dealing with a relationship bully.
Let me explain…
I Know Why Women Stay
Intimate partner violence (domestic abuse) is an issue that affects both women and men. Research indicates that 1 in 4 women in the United States and 1 in 7 men will experience intimate partner violence at some point. Staggering numbers.
Often, the abused partner has a difficult time leaving the relationship and even after they’ve left will get questions like, “Why didn't you leave sooner?” “If it was that bad, why did you stay?”
If only it were that easy.
An abusive relationship is totally incomprehensible to anyone who has never experienced it. It doesn’t make sense that another human being would act the way the abused person describes the abuser to be acting, so they just figure the abused person is exaggerating or did something to bring the abuse on themselves.
The following article will bring clarity to anyone who wonders, “Why did you stay so long if it was so bad?”
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“I know why women stay” This is what my friend said to me…
What Emotional Abuse Looks Like
This post was written by my friend JM, who was in an emotionally abusive situation. It's important for people in similar situations to hear about someone else's experience so they know they’re not alone. It can help them get clarity around what's happening and get the help they need.It also highlights why the typical relationship advice doesn't work in these situations.
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Today is my one year anniversary from leaving my narcissistic, emotionally, mentally, financially, every type besides physically abusive ex husband.
I wanted to originally post this to my page but, even though my boyfriend, friends, and family support me, a fb war between me and my ex or people that think he’s “amazingly awesome” is not what I want. He and I both taught at the same high school (I left), so he has a LOT of people who think he’s a wonderful human and I’m responsible and abandoned him. Lol.
So, here’s the post I was going to write.
A year ago today…
3 Important Tips for Dealing with Toxic Family Members (especially around the Holidays)
It’s the holiday season, which means that many of you will be celebrating what should be good times with your family members over course of the next month.
Unfortunately, for so many of us, the holidays represent a time of dread, because we know what awaits us. Family members who are difficult to deal with. And I’m not just talking about your uncle who is a little odd and your aunt who gets a little too tipsy.
I’m talking about toxic family members who seem to have this magic ability to ruin any family gathering. Toxic family members who make everyone else uncomfortable. Toxic family members who seem to not understand social clues and who are too stubborn to see or care about the chaos they’re creating.
Sometimes, this is closer to us than extended family members. It might be mom, dad, brother, sister, or your significant other.
If you’re dreading the holidays because of the presence of a toxic family member, here are 3 tips to keep in mind to help you deal with them and keep you emotionally safe during what should be a festive and joyful time of year.
1. Do not…
Relationship Questionnaire
Are you wondering what’s going on in your relationship? Some things just don’t make sense? Maybe your partner hasn’t hit you, but is mean, vindictive, and hard to understand?
Answer the questions below to see how many ‘Yes’ responses you get, then see what it means.
‘Partner’ refers to any significant other: husband, wife, boyfriend, girlfriend, etc.
1. Are you afraid of doing something to set your partner off? Does he/she get angry frequently?
2. Do you make excuses for your partner (or their behavior) to other people?
3. Does your partner yell at, criticize, mock, or demean you?